New year. New void.

The start of the year for me has been - boring. Discovered that a lot of the things I've been dreading are starting to haunt me. Life. Work. Love. This emptiness inside is affecting me. I think the last time I felt this void was more than 2 years ago. And now it's back. Well I know I can overcome this. And a lot of people have been giving me encouragements. Thank you. I just need to be alone and reflect. I tried to pray today to be more complete. I still don't have an answer. I've never ever had a sign materialize whenever I'm seeking for one from God.

I saw a claymation movie today entitled Mary and Max. I think I'm Max. And I'd die like him. Check it out on YouTube. Just type the title and you'd be able to watch the entire movie there. I'm using my itouch so I'm limited with what I can post here. **January 4, 2010** update: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lV8K55OBLNE

I hope this emptiness I feel doesn't last for long. Sometimes I grow tired of myself. And I feel as though I'm letting people down. People who've always believed in me. And it's very difficult to keep these emotions to myself.

I want to go for a long vacation. Davao perhaps. And just let myself get lost in the experience that I'm about to feel. But before I could do that I'd have to have the money first. But money has been aloof to me ever since my so called promotion. It's hard to suffer for almost two years with such a measly salary given the output, love, dedication I gave to my company. I really deserve more and I'm not getting it. I've waited suffered long enough and I'm not sure how much more I can take.

This post is an outpour of my frustrations and fears of which I feel I'm so full of. I want to escape the madness the world is giving me. I want to close myself for a couple of weeks or even months and just hibernate.

The past weeks I've met some really new and interesting people. I'm glad that they're talking to me and keeping me occupied. Otherwise I'd go insane. Thanks Jay, Cy, Ken, and Eugene. You know who you are. I hope the friendship deepens despite the flaws I'm projecting to all of you.

I want this year to be my revenge. But I'm afraid that if this will be the case I might get a bad karma. And I don't want that to happen. I hate a lot of people recently and I want revenge. I want to get what I deserve and what I need to experience. I want things to end. Call me insane but I want my revenge. 2009 has been a generally good year for my performance at a price. I want everything and all that can satisfy me.

Yup. I'm insane. And insatiable.